The Vedic science behind a divorce
Dr K K Aggarwal
Padma Shri Awardee, Honorary Secretary General IMA and President Heart care Foundation of India
I was asked by Ms. Vandana Shah, a practicing divorce lawyer in Mumbai to be the Guest of Honour for the release of her book “ The Ex Files – the story of my divorce”.
I started wondering, what I should speak. In the night, I closed my eyes and reviewed my Vedic knowledge and I got my insight into my possible dialogues:
1. Seven years itch is a known phenomenon. Many people even remarry after seven years. It is based on a scientific phenomenon of euphoria, reaction, adjustment, liking and loving.
Euphoria is the first phase of getting engaged to the period of honeymoon. The chemical reactions are based on release of adrenaline and nor adrenaline and amphetamine like chemicals. Both partners feel great, light and on the air.
This phase of euphoria ends with the next phase of reaction where both the partners start reacting to each other’s behavior and life style. The duration of this period may last for few years.
The main cause of fight between two couples is this phase. This phase is followed with the phase of adjustment.
Both phases of & reaction and adjustment may carry on for upto 7 years. During this period, both partners are compelled to stay with each other and start adjusting to their needs and life style. By 7th year, the phase of liking start and this is the phase when you start feeling depending on each other. The misunderstandings may end and people may stop thinking about divorce and fight.
The last phase is phase of love which is sole to sole relationship and this phase may start decades after the marriage and that forms the basis of 25th , 50th & 75thmarriage anniversary. People in this phase of marriage are totally dependent on each other and cannot face separation. If one person dies, the other may go to depression and also die within a short period of time. The chemical involved in this phase is endorphins.
2. Phase of reaction is dependent on our needs. Every person has five types of needs and they are Physical, Mental, Intellectual, Egoistic and Spiritual Needs.
Physical needs are needs for physical and sexual intimacy; mental needs are to share one’s emotions and need for a shoulder at the time of a cry; intellectual needs are the needs to discuss about future, decision making etc.; egoistic needs are the needs to acquire power and spiritual needs are the needs to acquire inner happiness.
Husband & wife who fulfill all the above needs of each other are called “made for each other’s”; which happens only rarely.
In a joint family concept, marriages are often successful because of one of the partners is not able to fulfill the non physical needs the same can be taken over by others in the family. In a single family, if one start looking for fulfilling non sexual needs from other friend the same may be the start of a conflict between husband and wife.
3. The phase of reaction always needs proper counseling which is based on the principal of Bhagavad Gita where Lord Krishna gives 18 counseling sessions to Arjuna. In the first Counseling session, Lord Krishna only listens to Arjuna and in 2nd counseling he briefs Arjuns in detail. From 3rd to 17th counseling Sessions, Lord Krishna answers each and every query, frightens and as well as consoles Arjuna. Ans in last 18th session Krishna revises all what has been counseled.
Unfortunately, in today’s divorce matters, such type of 18 Sessions are missing. Even Courts recognizes only 3 sessions.
4. In India, sexual preference are often not discussed or counted for. People who have preference of the same sex or both the sexes may end up with conflicts unless proper counseling is done.
5. The concept of Ayurvedic matching is also missing in the country. As per Ayurveda, a person can be Vata, Pitta or Kapha personality. Vata people are thin built with cold and dry hands, emotional and impulsive. Pitta people are medium built with moist and warm hands and are egoistic. Kapha people are heavy weight, with moist and cold hands, and they are calculative and manipulative.
Best marriages are between two kapha partners and worst marriages are between two pitta partners. Vata with Vata marriages are also a ground for divorce but can be easily salvaged with proper counseling.
India is a Vata-Pita society and hence most of the marriages can be saved if Ayurveda match making principles are used.
6. If the disputes in husband and wife continues, over a period of time husband may suffer from erectile dysfunction with wife but not with other partner.